Presto chango...

No sooner had I blogged about the interesting and mildly amusing effects of Googling for the phrase “go to hell”, below – than the effect in question evaporated.

*poof* - gone in a blink. Nothing spooky going on, I’m sure – just the effects of Google’s usual self-leveling ability.

For those who missed the moment – the short lived silliness was such that if you typed the phrase in question and clicked the “I’m feeling lucky” button, it took you directly to the Microsoft home page (cue Roz's laugh from Monsters, Inc.*).

If you clicked on “Search” you got a hit list populated with the likes of Microsoft, AOL/TW, Disney and so forth.

No idea if this was tweaked, Googlepoked or entirely natural. Either way, it was, as I said mildly amusing on a slow day so no big loss that it's fizzled.

Oh...and a tip o’ the mitre to AKMA for clearing up one related question. The hit list produced when I first blogged this included a rather bizarre and, to me, perplexing pointer to the University of North Carolina website. AKMA offers a plausible explanation here.

Unfortunately, AKMA's chosen analogy still didn’t quite resonate, at first. As a synthetic Canadian (having only arrived here some six years ago) I'm afraid I only figured out a couple of months ago that the Habs and the Montreal Canadiens are the same thing.

But thanks for figuring out the other thingie, Rev.

*(Hopping back to Roz's laugh for a minute - wouldn't this be the perfect sound to associate with the Windows "Critical FUBAR" message. When IE or some other part of the flakiness that is Windows blows up for the umpteenth time at a critical point in your unsaved document - wouldn't you just love to have that sneering "hur hur huuuur" as your machine's death rattle? If anyone knows what I'm on about and has a wav of the appropriate sound, let me know. Ta.)

Just begging for it.

Been mulling on this one for a while now. To blog or not to blog...?

You see - this is a story that involves the Forrester Research organization. It's a story that doesn't reflect particularly well on at least one individual at Forrester.

What's got me tied in knots over this is that I really like Forrester - they have some of the most interesting, smartest analysts in the business. But this one incident just begs to be blogged. I've noodled long enough, sought counsel from a few friends, and decided I really do have a clear moral obligation to blog the full saga.

Here's the setup - I hopped onto the Forrester site a week or so ago to hunt up an opinion or two. I used to have a guest login ID, but it's been so long since I visited the site I couldn't remember it - so I re-registered. Ten minutes into browsing, an email pops up from this doofus salesguy.

I replied - probably my first mistake - in fairly good humoured "I ain't reaming you out, but..." fashion.

Here's the full dialogue (contact name changed to protect the terminally clueless)...

> -----Original Message-----
>From: Aloysius B. Clozing [mailto:abklozing@forrester.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, September 11, 2002 1:15 PM
>Subject: Forrester Follow-up
>
>Good afternoon Michael,
>
>Please let me know if I can answer any questions from your recent visit
>to the Forrester site.
>
>Regards,
>
>abc
>Account Executive


This one was immediately followed by:


>-----Original Message-----
>From: Aloysius B. Clozing [mailto:abklozing@forrester.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, September 11, 2002 1:15 PM
>Subject: Check out Forrester's Managing In The Recovery: Using Technology To Recapture Momentum
>
>I thought you might be interested in this Forrester Event.
>Al
>
>Managing In The Recovery: Using Technology To Recapture Momentum
>November 6-8, 2002 Boston, Mass.
>http://www.forrester.com/Events/Overview/0,5158,471,00.html


So I'm thinking - "Great! You flying me to Boston then, mate?"

But what I said was:

>To: Aloysius B. Clozing
>Subject: RE: Forrester Follow-up

>I think I have everything I need, thanks Al. I'm tempted to ask one
>question though...
>
>At the bottom of the registration form, it asks: "Would you like a
>Forrester Account Manager to contact you to discuss how
>Forrester can help you make smart decisions and stay competitive?"
>
>Pretty sure I checked off the "No" box on this - and yet here you
>are...
>
>But then, I guess you guys must be about as hungry for new business as
>we are right now, so I'm not too surprised.
>
>Cheers,
>
>Michael

Characteristically Euro-polite but with a twist of a smile, no? I'm thinking - if he responds at all, he's going to be all guilty-wilty "oops! you caught me" contrite and maybe even apologetic, right?

Wrong.

Pinhead sonofabitch wants to dance:


>-----Original Message-----
>From: Aloysius B. Clozing [mailto:abklozing@forrester.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, September 11, 2002 1:40 PM
>Subject: RE: Forrester Follow-up
>
>You did check the "No" box, but I am a sales rep!
>
>Let me know if I can be a resource or when the timing may be more
>appropriate to revisit discussions.
>
>Regards,
>
>abc


Harrumph. An important point is clearly being missed here. Mild, but nonetheless clear invasion of privacy.

Time to drop the first glove...

>To: Aloysius B. Clozing
>Subject: RE: Forrester Follow-up
>
>So, basically you're telling me that anyone registering at the site is
>going to get bugged, regardless of how they answer that question.
>
>When Joel Blenner quit, did he take the last clue with him?
>
>/m

Blenner, btw, was Forrester's VP of Sales up until he retired in April.

Met him once, back when I was a corporate HOD - the guy who owned the marketing budget that got dished out to these geezers.

I thought Blenner had class - a decent guy, smart, and a straight-shooter. He was certainly a cut above the level of huckster I'm tangoing with here:


>-----Original Message-----
>From: Aloysius B. Clozing [mailto:abklozing@forrester.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, September 11, 2002 2:11 PM
>Subject: RE: Forrester Follow-up
>
>Michael,
>
>Not sure what you mean by the Joel comment, however, Joel actually
>retired and still actively consults for us.
>
>As for the registration process, my follow up to you was a simple
>courtesy contact.
>
>Regards,
>
>abc
>Account Executive


"Courtesy contact"?! Where's the courtesy in explicity ignoring my wishes? If I say: "No, please don't spam me" and you do anyway, I'm supposed to think that's a frigging courtesy?

No means no, dickwit.

From Forrester's own website: "Consumer privacy apprehensions continue to plague the Web -- 60% of online consumers seriously worry about what will happen to the personal information they divulge online. The problem for e-tailers is that these fears will hold back roughly $15 billion in eCommerce revenue in 2001."

No shit, Sherlock.

Btw, the full copy of the research brief from which I pulled this quote costs $95 to order online, through Forrester's own e-tail portal. No thanks, mate - you've already demonstrated how much Forrester knows about customer privacy issues and, unless I miss my guess, that's roughly equivalent to the square root of jack shit about bugger all.

Or am I just being twisty?

So I've been sitting here, toying with my WWRBD (What Would RageBoy Do?) ring, trying to decide whether to flame this hoser, flame his boss, ignore it, blog it, or give up and slide back under my rock...

What-evah.

Blog erat demonstrandum.

Winner: least subliminal message 2002

Some spammers clearly have a tough time concealing how they really feel about their target spamees.

>>>
----- Original Message -----
From: go_fuck@yourself.com
Sent: Thursday, September 26, 2002 12:41 PM
Subject: Mortgage Approved!


MORTGAGE APPROVED!!!

- Refinance
- Second Mortgages
- Debt Consolidation
- Bad/Good Credit
- Home Improvement
- New Purchase

CLICK HERE!!!
>>>>
Unfortunately, the link at the end of the email doesn't even work.

I wonder....rather than just the idle work of some random misanthrope, could this be an early sighting of some experimental new form of cynical surrealist performance spam? Spam that has no end game but exists only to insult and annoy. Almost following a line of descent from André Breton's: "The simplest act of surrealism is to walk out into the street, gun in hand, and shoot at random."

Or am I talking bollocks?

Oh, this is too sweet – only in Newfoundland ;-)

Eastern Canadian radio station 99.1 FM just rebranded – switching from Country & Western to an all hits/Top 40 playlist. They changed their name to HITS FM and repainted their vans with the new logo.

Ouch.

As a picture from the latest Marketing Magazine demonstrates, the sliding door vans inadvertently brought about a none-too-subtle muddling of the marketing message.

When the side doors are opened, the ‘S’ in ‘HITS’ ends up in front of the ‘H’.

Check it out:


I have a good friend in Newfoundland who has sampled the HITS FM output – Britney, N’Sync, Shakira, Nelly, Justin Timberlake.

His comment: “I salute their candour.”

Back in the bloghouse again
(updated - now with added inline pics. How nearly exciting!!)

(Ooooh! Updated a second time again - I'm struggling to contain my indifference!!! Read the scribble below, then see update, above)

Er...hello?

DAMN that's been a long time between posts - yet the darn thing still gets traffic every day. Phweef.

Guess I should poke the ashes, see if there's any life left in the ole blog...

So. Can’t use the bisy backson excuse – just got struck blogdumb by an extended attack of having a life, I guess. Either that or an unprecedented outbreak of not-annoyed-with-anything-in-particular-enough-to-rant.

Long hot summer in the garden with the kids. What can I say?

Wuz going to restart this thing by going off on a long and noisy one about, who else, the Borg. But can’t be arsed, really. I mean, WTF – right? About 30 million other people every day pick up a big gnarly cluestick and beat them round the antitrusts with it – they still don’t get any better. Plus my dear friend Kate is just in the process of jumping ship from the Canuckian arm, and will probably be taking their last clue with her. So what-evah.

Tangentially related Borg-bashing still available, however, in the form of the latest Google-giggle poinking its merry benign-spam way around the Net right now. You’ve prolly already seen this eleventy billion times by now:

1. Go to Google's main site

2. Type: "go to hell" (including the quotation marks) in the search box.

3. Click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

Or... to glimpse the other planes of hell - repeat steps 1 & 2 but click on "Google Search" instead.

Mildly amusing. (Er...but could someone please explain this hit in the list...)

Much more troubling, however (as pointed out by the splendid Philippe Eidman), is this: what the hell bizarre, perverted, subliminal message is the Beast of Redmond promoting by using the purloined image of one of the members of Rap/hip-hop group Swollen Members so prominently on the front page of their main site?

Check it out.

Clock the rocky cool “technical resources” geezer on the Microsoft home page.



Now – is this the same bloke over here or what?



As Philippe says: “Yo! Yo! YO! MUDDAFUCKA! Shout out to my homey Bill - keepin' it real owah dere wid all dem dope gangsta suckaz at MicroZoft!!!!"

Ahem. Or something.

(Prevail) -
What begins with an A and ends with asphyxia
Me prev-one the microphone crippler
Life on the edge of the walking dead
You either talk in black, or you speak in red
I can't help you if you don't have the language down
It's either sink or swim, and the average drown,
Some of us stay afloat, and respect the wave
With your mouth full of sand, burned by sun rays
Five ways to Sunday, a fist full of dollars
A barrel full of commerce, blasting the summer
We always stand guard over the late shift
The cause and effect of the light in the mist
In the world of mixtapes, and over sick breaks
I spit like my life depends on what I make

(Chorus) – Madchild -
Work at late night, not that we hate light
Just feels right, that's when tracks come out tight,
Dogs start creepin, people are sleeping
Pull words out of their dreams it's the deep end
It's the deep end, people are sleeping
Pull words out of their dreams it's the deep end
Keep in mind, it's not that we hate light
Just feels right, that's when tracks come out tight,

(Madchild) -
Hand to hand combat, gone far beyond that
Armed to the teeth, this is a bomb threat
Graveyard shift, way past obnoxious
We play to win, you count your losses
An awesome roster, original designed rhymes
Find time, to make the shiver up your spine climb
This ain't theatrics, we rock with tactics
And smash on you plastic actresses for practice
The fact is, I'm violent by nature, don't hate ya
Like most people, about as much as they like me
Haven't found a way to say "Fuck You" politely,
These days I stick to myself,
But, sometimes get sick of myself
Got my own circle, love my people
Bleed for my people, need no replacement
Madchild's life unfolds with bold statements

Swollen Members - "Deep End"