Mundane reality intrusion

This is a request for inspiration. I need some fairly urgent help.

Can’t remember quite how this one landed in my lap, but I've somehow been roped in to giving a speech next week at the Conference Board of Canada’s ‘Corporate Communication & Technology Conference’, on the subject of 'Strategic Intranet Planning - Transforming Workplace Interaction'.

I sat down at the weekend and completely disassembled my brain, only to discover that, as feared, the sum total of my knowledge on intranet strategy is roughly equal to the square root of bugger all.

Not good. “Still, never mind,” I thought. “A little Google research and I should be fine...” I figured I could pull some inspiration, background info, and supporting stats from a few hours of strategic Googling. Then build the pitch through bricolage, blending found content with personal anecdotes and experiences of working with our own (very good) corporate intranet.

This was before the very far from mundane intrusion of jagged-edged reality on Tuesday night, that has kept me away from the office and mostly offline for the last couple of days.

In case you’ve not seen the latest update on BlogSprogs: six week old Ruairi was admitted to the paediatric ward on Tuesday night with a very high fever. Turns out he has an E.Coli infection in his blood and urinary tract. So we’ve hit the pause button on most of the non-essential components of our daily lives.

And yet I still have a job. I still have clients to serve and commitments to keep. This conference is one of the latter, but I find myself singularly ill-prepared to speak to the subject. I could pull out, but as I’m also moderating the session and I was doing it as kind of a favour in the first place, I’d feel bad.

So now I’m turning to you, my blogbrothers and sisters, for insight, direction, counsel and assistance in building this thing. I can’t think of a better group of people than the savvy, connected collection of NetHeads I know through this blog and other ways.

Here’s the description of the session in the conference brochure:

An intranet is an essential component in any business, but it is also one of the most costly and complex. Individual components that make up the intranet may be well managed and supported by a dedicated staff; however, the intranet as a whole often does not provide adequate support to the individual knowledge workers who depend upon it.

This session will reveal best practices through practical case studies that will help you develop, implement, and measure intranet communication, the impact on your corporate culture, and connectivity. Senior communication executives will discuss:

- Creating a meaningful intranet strategy.
- Building knowledge across the organization
- Interacting and responding to employee needs.

Indeed.

I think I know a fair amount about corporate communications. I’ve worked with and in some pretty funky corporate intranets. I even spent 6 or so years working in the knowledge management business before I became a flack. So I’ve started to pull together a bit of an outline on this, but I could really use any help or advice anyone out there cares to offer.

Here’s some sample questions to get you going:

1. What are the 5 most important components of a successful intranet?
2. The top 5 pitfalls?
3. The top 5 benefits?
4. How do you get people to participate; contribute; use the darn thing?
5. What will the next wave of intranet deployment look like?

Some insights into these questions or any other ideas and suggestions you care to share would be very, very gratefully received. Anything that helps me build a good strong pitch in very little time.

If you were in the audience for this thing – what would you like to learn?

All suggestions will be rewarded with a hearty grin, the warm glow you'll get from such selfless and charitable assistance, and a large amount of your favourite liquid beverage (or other suitable treat) next time you're in Toronto.

Post comments here, or by email, to: michaelocc@sympatico.ca

And thank you all in advance. Apologies for the intrusion.

/m

Moen or less

Picking up a fair amount of traffic inbound from Moen.com today. Hmmmm...

My search engine's a little flaky, chaps - but you're probably looking for this lengthy diatribe.

I'll have something real to post a little later. Honest.

BTW - one of my brothers has suggested I set up a subscription service or something of the sort to push out any new content to willing victims. Think I've figured out a way of doing this, but before I mess with the blog - is anyone else even remotely interested in this? If I throw this particular party, will anyone come? Clickee comentee...

Spam-It-Yourself Bush

David, Gary Stock, and others have been making a lot of noise in the past few days over the Bush administration’s evident “astroturfing”.

(Astroturfing, btw, is a wonderfully apt description for faked grassroots campaigns, wherein supporters of a party or company are paid to shill for the cause, posing as soi-disant ‘concerned citizens’ in message-controlled letters to newspapers, radio phone-ins, etc.)

The fire in David & Gary’s ire comes from the fact that certain cookie-cutter copies of “letters to the editor” have been showing up in the letters pages of local newspapers all across the US. The signatories are all different (and all real people), but the text of the letters is identical.

The latest example of these letters starts with the words:

“When it comes to the economy, President Bush is demonstrating genuine leadership. The economic growth package he recently proposed takes us in the right direction by accelerating the successful tax cuts of 2001...”

This letter has apparently shown up in 52 different newspapers across America – each purporting to be from a different author.

Clearly, this is an organized spam lobbying campaign (splobbing? spampaign?) being driven from some central source in the Republican heartland.

Certainly, the GOP’s behaviour here is low and deceitful. Exactly how deceitful is not immediately apparent until you follow the cookie crumbs, as the excellent Gary “Unblinking” Stock has done, all the way back to the GOP’s “Team Leader” web site.

This fascinating site (clearly flagged as a service paid for by the Republican National Committee) encourages Bush supporters to complete “Action Items” in return for GOPoints which can be exchanged, like AirMiles, for a range of cheesy wampum “ranging from boat bags to mouse pads”.

No, I am not making this up.

One of the standard “Action Items” on the site allows you to auto-generate a standard letter to be sent above your signature to your choice of up to five media outlets in your state. The site includes a comprehensive state-by-state database with contact info for thousands of national and regional print and broadcast media outlets

The current boilerplate available is, you guessed it, the snot-smooth epistle with that ‘genuine leadership’ hook quoted above. I think you get something like 10 “GOPoints” for each letter you send – enough to get yourself one-twentieth of a stylish and handsome “Team Leader” ballcap (w00t!)

Gary quotes Johnathan Rouse on this, saying: “This is centralized power disguised as decentralized popular mandate...” Damn right. It’s manipulative, dishonest and cynical.

American residents, however, have it within their power to counter this nefarious operation, by turning the GOP’s own spam machinery on itself. Here’s how:

David points to the DredWorkz blog, which provides a user ID and password that will grant you full access to the Team Leader site.

Go here and log in using the username: gop@dredwerkz.com and the password gopgop.

Alternatively (assuming the very idea doesn't shiver your conscience and indelibly stain your soul), you can just as easily sign up as a “Team Leader”, creating your own username and password (you get a nice email from Marc Racicot, RNC chairman, by return).

Once you’ve logged in, go to the Action Center and then click the link to "Contact Print and TV outlets". This will take you into the extensive media database behind the system, from which you can select a group of newspapers or broadcast outlets to do your own bit of astroturfing.

Once you’ve selected your spam targets, click "compose message" and you're presented with a couple of different choices. You can choose the current standard Astroturf-du-jour, or (joy, oh joy!) create your own message.

The right thing to do (as pioneered by Gary) is to compose your own letter to send to target media, alerting them to the vile stinking miasma of spam being pumped out by the GOP agitprop mills.

Course, I can’t tell for certain whether this counterspin approach will actually work. I’d be surprised if they don’t have some loyal GOP drones monitoring the outbound spam to ensure each send conforms to party propaganda guidelines.

But what the hell – even if it only gums up the internal machinery of this shameful plot, it’s still worth doing.

Let's see how quickly we can propagate this sneaky little countermeme. A bottle of posh wine to the first right-thinking American to successfully get their counter-spam attempt published in a legitimate print outlet in the States.

Elftor Saves Rock 'n' Roll

Gezzie asks: Why, oh why, has Elftor not been part of my life before now?

Valid question. Click that second link, above, and make Elftor part of your life today.

Special "Canadians are people too" Elftor

Plus...Elftor in Anglo Saxon and the reaction to Elftor in Anglo Saxon

Horse Races

No new "Get Your War On" from David Rees yet, but only because he's been busy working on a new "mnftiu" strip, "Horse Races" guaranteed to make you actually bleed with laughter.

Go. Now. Read. Lie down for a little while. Read some more. Get meds.

Saddam Actually Just Doing Research for Book on Weapons of Mass Destruction
[origin unknown - forwarded by Herr SpamMeister Extraordinaire Prottman T. Bird Fontaine of that ilk]

Baghdad - Iraqi President Saddam Hussein today told investigators he is not developing nuclear or biological weapons, but instead has been doing research for a book on weapons of mass destruction he hopes to see published next year.

Hussein, whose palaces were recently searched by the United Nations as part of an ongoing investigation, said he always been strongly opposed to such weapons, and believes he was a victim of weapons of mass destruction during his childhood.

According to inspectors, Hussein denied possessing any fissile or biochemical materièl, but acknowledged visiting "a handful" of Internet sites where he could view images of chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons. In an interview with the British tabloid The Sun, the dictator also admitted he used a credit card to access one such site, but "never downloaded any blueprints or bought any uranium or anything."

The visits, Hussein claims, were part of his research for an upcoming book, which will include a claim of weapons of mass destruction abuse when Saddam was between the ages of five and six years old and living with his maternal grandmother. (The abuse allegedly came from a male friend of the family, who forced Saddam to expose himself to nerve gas.)

The experience is considered an influence in Hussein's classic 1980 show of force in northern Iraq, in which thousands of Kurd boys were made deaf, dumb, and blind with sarin. But Hussein said that action was an "awkward but sincere" attempt at shedding light on weapons abuse, and insisted he should not be viewed as a weaponographer.

"I am angry about ease of access to weapons of mass destruction, and deeply wounded at the inference that I might be a procuring or peddling them," he said. "I have looked at weapons sites maybe three or four times in all, just the front pages and previews. I have never purchased any weapons of mass destruction or wished to own any. The truth is, we must try to stop it, but if we can't do that we should invest our energy in helping victims, such as myself."

Since the allegations came to light, Iraq fans have been poring over Hussein's novels, trying to discern whether he has given hints about his apparent obsession. Several passages have raised red flags, including one in his latest work, The Fortified Castle, which includes the line, "Rough boys, under the sheets, I want to infect you with 60cc of anthrax and kiss you."

Who Are You?

OK, whatever else he may now turn out to be, one thing needs to be clearly stated about Pete Townshend.

Caught this headline, for example, on the front of this morning's Toronto "Metro" freebie paper:


Reuters has been carrying the same idea in their stories for the last few days, with headlines such as:

"UK Rocker's Arrest Puts Spotlight on Child Porn"

Ahem. This is Pete Townshend, people. Of The Who.

You know - Quadrophenia, My Generation, "Out of my brain on the fiiiiive fifteeeen..." All that stuff.

A pervert? Perhaps. But a rocker? The man was a MOD, fercrissakes.

Mind you...while we're on the subject of Townshend, I'm sure his lawyers are shivering at the thought of some of those Who lyrics floating to the centre of the media radar.

Like this one.

Or this.

Dirty old sod.

Other people's spam

Absent any original creativity or wit of my own to offer (too little sleep to form coherent thought), this curious thread from today's email haul will have to stand.

Arrived into work this morning to find an inbox filled with this lengthy and entertaining badinage between my brother and a cohort of friends in the UK. Apologies in advance to those of you who didn't grow up in England in the 60s & 70s - some of the references will probably pass you by.

Here, then, is a core sample sliced directly from the body of nutbars who inhabit my email contacts list. Starts with my brother Gerard forwarding inexplicable spam:

-----Original Message-----
From: Laundry Revolution [mailto:info@taysolutions.com]
Sent: Monday, January 13, 2003 10:04 AM
Subject: Please Confirm Your Subscription to January no3 list

Please Confirm Your Subscription to January no3 list.

Please confirm your interest in joining January no3 list, an email
newsletter published by Laundry Revolution.

Please note that if we don't hear from you, you won't be added to
this list. So please respond!

Please confirm your subscription to this mailing by clicking the
button below. If you do NOT want to subscribe to this mailing,
simply ignore this message.

Please do not reply to this message; your subscription will not be
confirmed. You must click on the button to confirm your
subscription.

...forwarded by Gezzie, with comments:

Subject:Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

...even beats previous highlight: "watch hot teens get nailed by Horses"

From: Sean Wilken
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Presumably this is for one's cleaning needs (whether moral or otherwise) once one has visited the previous "highlight"

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

There's something oddly heroic about the concept though. Imagine Robespierre doing your dry-cleaning.

From: Tom de la Mare
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

I thought the heads went off into laundry baskets.

From: Gerard Clarke
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

difficult to get the stains out of the bath towels after Charlotte Cordery's paid a visit.

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Laundry revolution was an attempt to resolve unique problems faced by sans culottes, enabling them to get their keks back correctly laundered and ironed. Only the introduction of the Corby trouser press has enjoyed similar historical impact within the field of insurrectionary garment cleansing and presentation.

From: Sean Wilken
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Surely to get the clothes clean after the Long March

From: Gerard Clarke
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

I always thought that the sans culottes were so called because they could not afford the fancy britches of the nobility and were forced to dress in cake, but now I appreciate that it was because their keks had been lost in the wash, and that when Madame de la Pompadour said "Apres nous, le deluge", all she was doing was recommending rinse-cycle 3 for easy-care delicates.

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

I refer you to Sergei Eisenstein's renowned "Odessa steps" scene in his meisterwerk Battleship Potemkin. Here we see a horrified domestic technician gazing at her Zanussi machine hurtling to an almost certain doom.

Although dismissed in some quarters as 'soap opera', the emotional power of this scene remains undiminished, even though the twin tub has been largely superceded by the front loader.

From: Gerard Clarke
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Was it Bukharin who said that only Dialectical realism, or failing that, Daz could handle the stubborn understains of History?

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Whereas Roosevelt was a firm advocate of the 'square deal' offered by Surf.

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

The Omo brand was surely instrumental in washing away the moral stain of heterocentric attitudes.

From: Tom de la Mare
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

What does all this say about Danny Baker's progress from Socialist Worker and NME activist to laundry front man? Is this "money laundering"?

From: Sean Wilken
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

I assumed it was merely a question of the Tide of history

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

'NME activist' is a truly revolutionary concept.

From: Tom de la Mare
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

NME activists campaign against such bourgeois monstrosities as Shakira's latest album, "Laundry Service" (I kid you not).

From: Sean Wilken
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

But does that mean they are in favour of Ms Aguilera's eponymous "Dirty"....?

From: Mark Prottey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Hmmm... similar laundry-related critical activism blighted the Ink Spots' career many years ago.

From: Tom de la Mare
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Yes, and The Jam, Smashing Pumkins, Tangerine Dream, and a little known
Denver band The Grass Stains as well as the German leather band "Sweat".

From: MarkProttey
Subject: RE: Quite simply the weirdest auto-spam ever

Not forgetting Mud, who had terrible trouble with dirty tiger footprints all over their stage finery.

===================================================================

They really need to get out more.

Never metadata I didn't like...

David's snapshot 'The Problem with Metadata' is hilarious.

Welcome Home, Mom

My Mom gets home tomorrow after the longest-awaited hip replacement surgery in the history of the NHS.

To celebrate, Charlie put together this picture, showing his Grandma chasing him and Lily through the garden, while Ruairi sleeps in his car seat.

Charlie's been running like a nutter since he first figured out how to get himself around. For three quarters of his five years on this planet, he's been running, skipping, dancing through our home. For more than half that time, his Grandma's been unable to play chase with him and his sister without suffering excruciating pain.



This is a happy day.

Welcome home, Mom - and get well soon so you can come over here to play.

We love you and miss you very, very much.