An end to unsolicited invitation embarrassment!
Still lots of rumblings and mutterings going on about Orkut.
One of the features I'd like Google to give some more thought to is a way of declining declarations of friendship, or opting out of communities you wish you hadn't joined, without coming across as just rude.
On three occassions so far I've had complete and utter strangers wanting to add me to their Orkut 'friends' list -- people I have never met, spoken to, or even exchanged email with.
At such moments, Orkut presents you with a stark, binary choice. You can either click 'yes' - instantly anointing some potential stalker with the balm of your e-friendship.
Or click 'no' - which feels, to me, like the online equivalent of turning on your heel and walking swiftly from the room, leaving them standing there with their flapping hand still outstretched in aspirant friendship.
This is one reason why I like Jeneane's comment about the gradations of interpretation when you add someone as your friend. Declaring friendship doesn't have to be an on/off choice - there should be a variety of ways of saying 'wanna be my new friend?', or; 'you seem cool - mind if I hang out with you for a while, see if something develops...?', or; 'hey! we know all the same people - maybe we'd like each other too'.
But for those situations where you really do want to answer 'no', but don't want to give offense, I've come up with what I think might be a useful value-added service for Orkut members.
In preparation for the inevitable backlash, here is your own personal Orkut opt out card, yours to keep and use as needed:
Here's how it works: next time someone you either don't know (or just plain don't like) either:
- Invites you to declare everlasting Orkut friendship;
- Asks you to join some sordid little community of assorted weirdos and mouth breathers, or;
- Writes some unctuous, insincere testimonial you'd rather not accept;
Relax!
Just email me your Get Out of Orkut Free card, a link to the Orkut profile of your clingy admirer, and a medium pocket-sized wad of tightly-rolled unmarked bills (US$ preferred).
Then, using my years of smarmy-arse PR training, bolstered by the benefits of a top-notch British grammar school education (where learning how to extract oneself from sticky situations was a key survival skill), I will lovingly craft the perfect saccharine-laced rebuttal on your behalf, guaranteed to:
- Preserve your would-be friend's ego;
- Make you appear to be the epitome of charm, grace, and impeccable manners, and;
- Neatly extricate both of you from an uncomfortable social quandary with no loss of face on either side.
All you need to do is copy, paste, send.
You know it makes sense.
