What Would Jesus Blog?
The good Dr. Weinberger leaps into the "What Would Jesus Drive?" debate with his own list of similarly outrageous and inappropriate questions to pose the Son.
Here's David's list, with my first stab at the answers. Sure you can do better...
Top Ten Questions Not to Ask Jesus:
1. How many clowns would have to come out of the car before Jesus would say "How the heck do they do that?"
None – he would already know both the number in the car, their secret clown names, how the heck they did it – and why.
2. Can we assume that Jesus' favorite Beatle is the one that dies last?
Probably. Which would seem to point to Ringo as most likely ‘Beatles Survivor’ in this case. The other bloke has a songwriting credit on Jesus’ least favourite track: “Hey Jude”
3. If Jesus were still a carpenter, would He measure twice and cut once or just go ahead and cut?
A: He’d just go ahead and cut. Not only that – he’d just go ahead and assemble the Ikea bookshelves without even glancing at the instructions.
4, How long could Jesus stay married to JLo?
A: I give him 9 months – tops. I mean, he may be the Son of God and everything, but no one can handle that kind of punishment for long...
5. If Jesus were dieting, would he cheat on his birthday?
A: Hmmm...I figure he’d go for blow out on the turkey, but politely decline the third round of After Eight mints.
6. Who would be Jesus' favorite post-WWII US president (besides Jimmy Carter, of course)?
A: Josiah Bartlett. All the rest have demonstrated various degrees of scumbaggery. And Bartlett gave “Dad” a really good ass-kicking in the episode where they buried Mrs. Landingham. I’m sure that scored major points with Junior...
7. If Jesus were gay — not that He is, of course. I'm just asking if — which of the N'Sync guys would He find the hottest?
A: If he were, which we’re not suggesting here for a minute, of course, I’m sure the answer would be none of them. Gay Jesus would favour a real man over one of those peroxide nances, any day.
8. If Jesus and Superman fought, who would win?
A: Superman, who would later succumb to crushing remorse at having conquered the Son of God and would vow to devote the rest of his days to even-more-than-usually charitable endeavours. Jesus would bounce back with a 'fooled ya' look on his face and punch Superman playfully on the shoulder.
9. What would Jesus choose as His PIN?
A: Duh-uh. 4674 (I.N.R.I)
10. Mac or Linux?
A: Stained Glass Windows™
The good Dr. Weinberger leaps into the "What Would Jesus Drive?" debate with his own list of similarly outrageous and inappropriate questions to pose the Son.
Here's David's list, with my first stab at the answers. Sure you can do better...
Top Ten Questions Not to Ask Jesus:
1. How many clowns would have to come out of the car before Jesus would say "How the heck do they do that?"
None – he would already know both the number in the car, their secret clown names, how the heck they did it – and why.
2. Can we assume that Jesus' favorite Beatle is the one that dies last?
Probably. Which would seem to point to Ringo as most likely ‘Beatles Survivor’ in this case. The other bloke has a songwriting credit on Jesus’ least favourite track: “Hey Jude”
3. If Jesus were still a carpenter, would He measure twice and cut once or just go ahead and cut?
A: He’d just go ahead and cut. Not only that – he’d just go ahead and assemble the Ikea bookshelves without even glancing at the instructions.
4, How long could Jesus stay married to JLo?
A: I give him 9 months – tops. I mean, he may be the Son of God and everything, but no one can handle that kind of punishment for long...
5. If Jesus were dieting, would he cheat on his birthday?
A: Hmmm...I figure he’d go for blow out on the turkey, but politely decline the third round of After Eight mints.
6. Who would be Jesus' favorite post-WWII US president (besides Jimmy Carter, of course)?
A: Josiah Bartlett. All the rest have demonstrated various degrees of scumbaggery. And Bartlett gave “Dad” a really good ass-kicking in the episode where they buried Mrs. Landingham. I’m sure that scored major points with Junior...
7. If Jesus were gay — not that He is, of course. I'm just asking if — which of the N'Sync guys would He find the hottest?
A: If he were, which we’re not suggesting here for a minute, of course, I’m sure the answer would be none of them. Gay Jesus would favour a real man over one of those peroxide nances, any day.
8. If Jesus and Superman fought, who would win?
A: Superman, who would later succumb to crushing remorse at having conquered the Son of God and would vow to devote the rest of his days to even-more-than-usually charitable endeavours. Jesus would bounce back with a 'fooled ya' look on his face and punch Superman playfully on the shoulder.
9. What would Jesus choose as His PIN?
A: Duh-uh. 4674 (I.N.R.I)
10. Mac or Linux?
A: Stained Glass Windows™
