Where does this crap come from?
Sometimes, you've just got to love spam. Especially when its the totally surreal, what the fjörk are they on about kind of spam. Like this piece that showed up in our home email account the other day, marked (but of course) High Priority:
>From: "diesel fuel injection" c8h@cmmail.com
>Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2002 9:35 AM
>Subject: Head & Rotor VE 03/26
> Dear Sir,
>
> we have been in the field of diesel fuel injection
> systems for quite a few years.(CHINA)
Great!
I'm puzzled by the "CHINA" reference, though. Am I to conclude that the pronoun in this case stands for the entire nation of China? I'm getting spammed by the whole People's Republic? Geezus. I must rock over there. “We, China, bring you Michael these urgent messages of diesel fuel injection...”
Or maybe the spammer is Cockney? “We’ve bin in the haddock game for cats, me ol’ China.”1
Hmmm. It goes on:
> We tell you that we will update our VE h&r
> (hydraulic heads for the VE distributor pump) list in our
> homepages.
I'll alert the media.
>Thirty more models will be added.
At last. Thought for once I was actually in receipt of some spam that didn’t feature models. You’ll be nudge-nudging about your wankel rotary engine next...
>And the minimum order will be 6pcs a model.
Right. Supersized models. Greasy, six pieces at a time, finger-lickin’, family bucket models. From China. Struggling to contain my indifference...
>We quote them as follows:
> 3-cyl:USD:50/1pcs
> 4-cyl:USD:50/1pcs
> 5-cyl:USD:55/1pcs
> 6-cyl:USD:55/1pcs
OK – if that’s the best repartee these chicken-scoffing babes can come out with, my whelm is going to be severely undered over here.
> We can ship the following three models to you within 8~10 weeks. after
> we receive your payment.
Er...
> If you feel interested in our products,please advise the details about
> what you need,such model name,part number,quantity and so on.
Er.......
>We are always within your touch.
*phew* Oh, me too. Totally, baby.
> Looking forward to our favorable cooperation.
Likewise. No really. I’m so nearly excited.
This curious epistle is then suffixed with a string of digits, stretching for nearly two entire pages. Abridged version (if you want to read the full list, you can bugger off and get your own – this is my spam):
> 096400-0920
> 096400-0242
...
> 096540-0080
> (ZEXEL)
> 146400-8821
...
> 146404-2200
> 146430-1420
> (BOSCH)
> 1 468 333 320
> 1 468 333 323
...
> 2 468 334 050
> 2 468 335 022
> 1 468 335 345
> 1 468 336 480
> 1 468 336 614
> 1 468 336 626
OK. I’ve tried every single one of these damn numbers. Not ONE of the fuckers was answered by anyone who would admit to being a model, or anyone who knew how to get in touch with Zexel or Bosch, neither of which are particularly enticing names for models anyway. Bastards.
Ahh...but maybe they’re not phone numbers. Perhaps it’s some new PGP thingie, or DeCSS widget? Dammit - if only I owned a DVD player, I’d be fucken sorted right about now.
The message, btw, is signed by one “C.Hua Sales & purchasing director” – which seems like a regular push-me, pull-you job, if you ask me. Having the same bloke running both purchasing and sales is bound to go pear shaped, sooner or later. Clearly the Chinese have not been following the Enron saga closely enough.
I bet it’s all Weinberger’s doing. He’s the only one I know in China right now, and this kind of thing has his stamp all over it...
1Simultaneous Cockney Translation:
“haddock” = “haddock & bloater” = motor
“cats” = “cats in cages” = ages
“china” = “china plate” = mate
Hence:
“We’ve been in the motor trade for ages, mate.”
Sometimes, you've just got to love spam. Especially when its the totally surreal, what the fjörk are they on about kind of spam. Like this piece that showed up in our home email account the other day, marked (but of course) High Priority:
>From: "diesel fuel injection" c8h@cmmail.com
>Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2002 9:35 AM
>Subject: Head & Rotor VE 03/26
> Dear Sir,
>
> we have been in the field of diesel fuel injection
> systems for quite a few years.(CHINA)
Great!
I'm puzzled by the "CHINA" reference, though. Am I to conclude that the pronoun in this case stands for the entire nation of China? I'm getting spammed by the whole People's Republic? Geezus. I must rock over there. “We, China, bring you Michael these urgent messages of diesel fuel injection...”
Or maybe the spammer is Cockney? “We’ve bin in the haddock game for cats, me ol’ China.”1
Hmmm. It goes on:
> We tell you that we will update our VE h&r
> (hydraulic heads for the VE distributor pump) list in our
> homepages.
I'll alert the media.
>Thirty more models will be added.
At last. Thought for once I was actually in receipt of some spam that didn’t feature models. You’ll be nudge-nudging about your wankel rotary engine next...
>And the minimum order will be 6pcs a model.
Right. Supersized models. Greasy, six pieces at a time, finger-lickin’, family bucket models. From China. Struggling to contain my indifference...
>We quote them as follows:
> 3-cyl:USD:50/1pcs
> 4-cyl:USD:50/1pcs
> 5-cyl:USD:55/1pcs
> 6-cyl:USD:55/1pcs
OK – if that’s the best repartee these chicken-scoffing babes can come out with, my whelm is going to be severely undered over here.
> We can ship the following three models to you within 8~10 weeks. after
> we receive your payment.
Er...
> If you feel interested in our products,please advise the details about
> what you need,such model name,part number,quantity and so on.
Er.......
>We are always within your touch.
*phew* Oh, me too. Totally, baby.
> Looking forward to our favorable cooperation.
Likewise. No really. I’m so nearly excited.
This curious epistle is then suffixed with a string of digits, stretching for nearly two entire pages. Abridged version (if you want to read the full list, you can bugger off and get your own – this is my spam):
> 096400-0920
> 096400-0242
...
> 096540-0080
> (ZEXEL)
> 146400-8821
...
> 146404-2200
> 146430-1420
> (BOSCH)
> 1 468 333 320
> 1 468 333 323
...
> 2 468 334 050
> 2 468 335 022
> 1 468 335 345
> 1 468 336 480
> 1 468 336 614
> 1 468 336 626
OK. I’ve tried every single one of these damn numbers. Not ONE of the fuckers was answered by anyone who would admit to being a model, or anyone who knew how to get in touch with Zexel or Bosch, neither of which are particularly enticing names for models anyway. Bastards.
Ahh...but maybe they’re not phone numbers. Perhaps it’s some new PGP thingie, or DeCSS widget? Dammit - if only I owned a DVD player, I’d be fucken sorted right about now.
The message, btw, is signed by one “C.Hua Sales & purchasing director” – which seems like a regular push-me, pull-you job, if you ask me. Having the same bloke running both purchasing and sales is bound to go pear shaped, sooner or later. Clearly the Chinese have not been following the Enron saga closely enough.
I bet it’s all Weinberger’s doing. He’s the only one I know in China right now, and this kind of thing has his stamp all over it...
1Simultaneous Cockney Translation:
“haddock” = “haddock & bloater” = motor
“cats” = “cats in cages” = ages
“china” = “china plate” = mate
Hence:
“We’ve been in the motor trade for ages, mate.”
